Harry Potter and the Parody of the Deathly Hallows
by The Hash Slinging Slasher
Summary: Harry, Ron, and Hermione set out on an epic search to find all of the horcruxes, camp, and pursue random side things. A complete combined parody of the book and movies.
1. Chapter 1

Snape appeared in Lucious Malfoy's garden, making sure to step on as many flowers as he could. He trod through the daisies, straight up to the door. He stated the password.

"Protentious blonde racists."

Voldemort had made that the password as punishment.

Snape entered Malfoy Manor and walked into the dining room. Voldemort and his Death Eaters were sitting at a long, dark table.

"Snape! You're late! Did you get into a conversation again?" said someone. The Death Eaters erupted in laughter.

Snape's face remained stony, his tone remained flat. "Are you implying that I speak _at _a slower speed than the average person?"

"All right Severus, quiet down," said Voldemort, "We're on a schedule. Anyway, I called this meeting so that we could once again come to the Malfoy's house and eat all of the food in their fridge."

The Death Eaters cheered.

Voldmort held up his hand for silence. "Also, we're going to get Harry Potter when he leaves his house..."

The Dursleys were sitting around, being overweight and mean, when the Order of the Phoenix showed up. Moody kicked down the front door, and yelled loudly. The Dursleys ran away, terrified.

Harry lept down the stairs. "What was that?"

"Nothing, nothing." said Mad Eye. "Anyway, we've decided to move you tonight."

"No." said Harry. "I won't have anybody helping me, endangering themselves in any way, shape, or form. No one will ever die helping me do anything ever again. I will not have it. I will never allow anyone to help me do anything ever again. I will get to the Burrow on my own."

"And how the heck are you going to do that?" asked Ron.

"With my Invisibility Cloak."

"What, you're just going to walk?"

"No," said Harry, "I'm going to leave the house under it, then go far enough away that anybody watching the house won't detect me, then I can go on a broom."

"That's... that actually makes a lot of sense." said Remus.

"That actually makes our plan seem a bit silly." said Hermione. She looked shocked.

"Yeah, see, we had this plan where half of us would turn in to you... and then we would all fly around to different houses..." said Fred, rubbing the back of his neck.

"Well, that seems like it would needlessly endanger the entire Order." said Harry.

"Yeah... we, it was sort of short notice..." said Remus.

"We probably just saved ourselves a lot of trouble, actually."said Tonks. "I mean, who knows what could have gone wrong with our plan..."

Mr. Weasley emerged from the Dursleys garage wielding a large weed-hacker. "Look at this magnificent piece of mugglery!" he swung it across the room gleefully.

"AAARRRGGGHHHH!" screamed George.

"Oh my gosh! You've chopped his ear off!" shouted Hermione.

"I got this..." Ron waved his wand over George's bloody head.

"AAARRRGGGHHHH!" screamed George again.

"Ron, stop! You could make it permanent!" said Hermione.

Remus tapped George's head with his wand. He then waved it in front of him. "Yup. It's permanent now."

**AN: **I'll be able to update very fast... because I've already written all the chapters! This will basically be a parody of the Deathly Hallows (book, and movies).

Since I already have them all done, I'll probably update like every other day.


	2. Chapter 2

Harry slammed his copy of the Daily Prophet down on the Burrow table. "Look at this headline!"

**VOLDEMORT'S BACK? MORE LIKE, SIRIUS BLACK! INFAMOUS MURDERER SEEMS TO HAVE A KNACK FOR IMPERSONATING YOU-KNOW-WHO COMING BACK! AURORS, PICK UP THE SLACK!**

Ron shook his head. "That's a lot of rhyming."

"I can't believe how bad the Prophet's been getting..." said Hermione.

"Yeah, well, now it's basically Voldemort's personal shout outs." said Harry. "I mean, look at this section..."

_'Lucius, your wand sucks. It's probably because you turned it into a stupid cane. Why'd you do that? It doesn't even look cool.'_

_'Draco! Go make me a sandwhich! Crucio! Haha!'_

_'Bellatrix? Yeah, you need to give me some space.'_

"That's terrible! Don't people realize what's happening!" Hermione asked incredulously.

"Actually, no. It's all written in Parseltongue." said Harry.

"You can write in Parseltongue?" asked Ron.

"Yeah." Harry pulled out a pen and paper. "It looks like this."

He showed them the paper.

_Ssssssshaaaassssashhhaaaa._

"That's so cool!" said Ron.

Harry laughed. "I'm just messing with you. You can't do that."

Ron's face dropped.

Hermione looked at Harry, puzzled. "You know Harry, I've always been surprised at how little you take advantage of your ability to speak Parseltongue."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, just think Harry. You could swear in Parseltongue in class, insult people, sick snakes on Death Eaters..."

Harry's face turned red. "Well thanks for telling me this now, Hermione! Now that we're not going to school!"

Mrs. Weasley walked in to the room. "You're not going back to school? Why are you not choosing to continue your education?"

"What do you think would happen to us if we went back to Hogwarts, Mum?" said Ron. "I mean, seriously, a Death Eater is the headmaster. A bloody Death Eater! We wouldn't last five seconds, and Harry wouldn't last one! I mean, Voldemort practically owns the place now!"

Mrs. Weasley beat Ron upon the head. "How dare you speak to your mother that way!"

George leaned in through the window. "Yes Ronald. It's quite ear-responsible."

Harry laughed.


	3. Chapter 3

Mr. Weasley opened the front door. In stepped Rufus Scrimgeor, looking ridiculously lion-esque.

"I have a very important package for Mr. Potter and his friends." he said.

"Oh, what is it?" asked Mr. Weasley.

"It is the will of Albus Dumbledore."

Mr. Wealsey gasped. "Did he leave me anything?"

Rufus shook his head.

"Oh, alright then, er, come in..."

Harry, Ron, Hermione, and George sat down on the couch in front of the Minister.

"Albus Dumbledore has left each of you something in his last will and testament." he said.

"Why didn't you just ship it or something?" asked Harry.

"Because if he left you anything really good, such as an epic magical weapon, I will be keeping it for myself." said the Minister.

Harry snapped his fingers. "Shoot..."

"Yes. Anyway, _to Hermione Granger, I leave the first season of Pokemon, so that she too may 'catch 'em all'._"

Rufus handed her a DVD in a bright case.

"I don't know what I'm supposed to do with this..."

"_To Ronald Weasley, I leave this stress reduction ball. May it always show you the way."_

Ron took the ball, confused. "If anything, he should've given the ball to Harry, I mean, with your rage issues..."

"_And to Harry Potter, I leave the Snitch that he caught in his first Quiditch match. P.S. If you become filled with rage at the extreme vagueness of this gift, you may borrow Mr. Weasley's stress ball."_

"C'mon!" yelled Harry. "What sort of a lame gift is this? You'd think that the greatest wizard who ever lived would be able to give me something better than that! This would be like Bill Gates getting you a gift card!"

Ron handed him his stress ball.

"_And to George, I gift this ear of corn, may he find it delicious and punny."_

George took the ear of corn, and took a bite out of it. "I do find it delicious," he said through his full mouth," and punny!"

Rufus stood up. "Well, I was really hoping for something better to steal from you guys." He left, leaving them to ponder the gifts they had been given.

Ron took his ball back from Harry and offered it to George. "How about a trade? I'm starving..."

George shook his head. "If you got it, it wouldn't be funny."

"I'd say that Hermione got the best gift." said Harry.

Ron and George nodded their agreement.


	4. Chapter 4

Ron shook Harry out of bed. "Wake up! We've got to get ready for the wedding!"

Harry rolled over.

"C'mon! Get up!"

Harry pulled the covers over his head.

"OH MY GOSH GINNY WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR FACE!"

Harry lept out of bed and charged down the stairs.

Ron chuckled to himself. "I'm so clever..."

Mr. Weasley stopped Harry at the bottom of the stairs. "I don't think you should attend the wedding looking like that, it'll create quite a scene... here, take this." he handed him some Polyjuice Potion. "I took the hair from a ginger-muggle, so you'll look like a relative of ours. However, you will also receive some prejudice because of this."

Harry took the potion and drank it. "What do you mean prejudice?"

"Well, I don't know if you've heard or not, but a lot of people believe that gingers don't have souls, Harry."

"Then I guess that means you're safe from dementors!" Harry laughed. Mr. Weasley didn't.

Ron and Hermione came down the stairs. Harry turned around.

"Look Ron! I'm a ginger now!" said Harry.

"Who the heck are you?" asked Ron, scared.

"It's me! Harry!"

Ron laughed. "Yeah, because last time I checked, Harry Potter didn't have a soul."

"No! I took some Polyjuice Potion! Hey, you're a ginger too you know!"

Hermione shook her head. "Come on Ron, let's go find Harry."

The wedding began. Everything was fun and happy, and it completely took Harry's mind off of the incredibly hard, extremely dangerous, near-impossible task that lay in front of him that the safety of the entire world depended upon.

The reception began, and Harry found Ron and Hermione.

"Guys, it's me, Harry."

Ron jumped back. "Who are you and why are you following us?"

"I just told you! I'm Harry!"

Ron stared at him for a while. "Okay, so if you're not a ginger, then here's something that you should know. What happens if a ginger kid bites you?"

"But Ron! You're a ginger! How would you know the answer to this question?"

Ron rubbed his chin thoughtfully. "See, you're kind of dodging the question, which makes me a little suspicious."

"Wha-"

"Actually," Hermione interrupted, "there's a simple spell to determine whether someone is a true ginger or not."

Harry nodded. "Thanks Hermione."

She pulled out her wand. "_Ginvat-STUPEFY! _Ron, run!"

They booked it to the other side of the tent.

Just then, a whispy, white, unicorn Patronus wafted in to the tent. Everyone gasped.

Mr. Weasley sighed. "That's one of the more embarrassing Patronus's I've seen..."

The unicorn spoke with Kingsley's voice. "They are coming... they are coming..."

Everybody started disapparating, and Death Eaters started doing that cool thing where they turn in to smoke and fly around.

Harry looked up off the floor and saw Ron and Hermione about to disappear. He scrambled to his feet. They turned on the spot, and he dived.

xxx

**Meanwhile, at Malfoy Manor**

"Ugh, Draco, this is like the worst sandwich ever. What did you put on this?" said Voldemort, looking distastefully at his meal.

Draco, looking a lot paler than usual, answered, "Ham and cheese, my Lord."

Voldemort chewed thoughtfully. "No... if you had done that, it would have been good. Did you put anything else on it?"

Draco gulped. "I may have added some mayonnaise, my Lord."

Voldemort set the sandwich down. "Your father would always add mayonnaise too... you really remind me of him sometimes."

**Meanwhile, at Hogwarts**

Snape woke up suddenly, then frowned. "I believe that that is _my _line."


	5. Chapter 5

Harry, Ron, and Hermione tumbled out on to a sidewalk.

"Ron, that ginger followed us!" said Hermione, backing up against a wall.

Ron pulled out his wand. "Alright! What do you want?"

Harry's face felt waxy, then he slowly turned back in to himself.

Ron lowered his wand. "Ah man..."

"Yeah." said Harry. "You guys suck."

"Sorry, Harry," said Hermione. "It's just... you really looked like a ginger..."

"It doesn't matter." said Harry. " We need to go back to the Burrow, get our stuff, and get out of here."

"Actually," said Hermione," I've been completely packed for days now."

She pulled out a small draw-string bag.

"What the heck?" said Ron. "Is that where all my clothes have been? For like three days, I've been wondering where about half of my clothes went! Did you just take my clothing?"

Hermione looked at the ground awkwardly and shrugged. "Well, it all turned out for the best..."

Ron continued. "Do you know how bloody paronoid that is? You're so sure that we're about to be attacked any second that you steal our clothing? Who does that? And, if you were so sure that we were going to be attacked, why didn't you say anything?"

"But think how screwed we'd be if Hermione wasn't so crazy, Ron!" said Harry.

Ron still seemed angry

"Let's just get inside somewhere." said Hermione. "Sort out what we're going to do next."

Ron took his stress ball out of his pocket.

They sat down in a cafe.

"I'd like a mocha." said Hermione.

"I'd like a mocha." said Ron in a high pitched, whiny imitation.

Harry glared at him. "I'd like a Voldemort-I mean mocha."

Two Death Eaters instantly appeared behind the counter.

They ducked under the table, and the booth was obliterated.

The waitress ran away.

"Man," muttered Ron, "Not getting our food now, are we?"

"You didn't order anything!" Hermione whispered harshly.

"Well, if I had..."

Harry lunged off of the ground. "_Stupefy! Expelliarmus! ... Stupefy!... _Dang it, I wish I knew more spells!"

Ron and Hermione began firing off spells too, and they eventually managed to hit both Death Eaters.

They crunched through the debri to the two Death Eaters.

"We should alter their memories." said Harry. "So they won't know where to find us."

Ron laughed. "Yeah, because we're going to be staying right here in this restaraunt."

"That's a good idea, Harry." said Hermione. "_Oblivi-"_

"Wait!" Harry grabbed her arm. "I feel like we're missing an opportunity here. I mean, we can make them remember whatever we want them to..."

xxx

**Meanwhile, in Dolohov's Memory**

Dolohov was sitting in Malfoy Manor, having a laugh with his Death Eater friends. Maybe later they would go terrorize some people, or whatever.

There was a sound like a loud explosion. They looked up.

"What was tha-"

_BAM! _Harry Potter kicked down the door. "YEEEEEAAAAAAAH!" He waved his wand, and the table they were sitting at exploded.

A ginger with a spectacular handle-bar mustache crashed down through the ceiling. He slung a ten foot sword off his back and chopped the sofa in half.

Harry Potter waved his wand again, and the whole house suddenly caught on fire. Everyone ran screaming for the door, but Dumbledore stopped then.

"You shall not pass!" he yelled, and pulled them all in to a flaming crevasse.

Dolohov was frozen in his seat. Harry Potter approached him, staring him in the face.

"You listen up, Dolohov." he said. "Justice never," he stopped and put on his glasses, "rests."

The whole manor exploded.


	6. Chapter 6

"Let's go to Grimmauld Place." said Harry.

Ron nodded.

"But Harry, Snape can get in there!" said Hermione.

"Whatever, Hermione. It's way safer to go to a place that we know a Death Eater could get in to then a random location where we could put up enchantments to be invisible and stuff."

Hermione tilted her head, confused. "Harry, I can understand you wanting to go there... I mean, it was Sirius's house..."

"WHOA!" said Ron. "Too soon, Hermione! Waaaaay too soon!"

Hermione sighed. They apparated to Grimmauld place.

They stepped inside and closed the door.

"Hello?" said Harry.

_Whooooosh. _All the dust on the floor suddenly swirled up in to Dumbledore.

"AAAAAAHHHHHHH!" they all yelled as it flew towards them. When it hit them, it fell back apart in to dust.

"What the heck was that?" asked Ron.

"It must be something that the Order put in to scare Snape away." said Hermione.

"Yeah," said Harry, "So, even if Snape does come, there's no way he's getting past that. It's totally safe here."

Hermione sighed.

They sat around for awhile, then went to bed. They all slept in the living room in sleeping bags that super-paranoid-Hermione had packed.

"I know!" said Harry. "We could tell ghost stor-"

With a sharp _crack _Kreacher appeared between them.

"Ah! What the heck is that!" asked Ron.

"It's Kreacher," said Harry. "What do you want?"

"Kreacher wants you to leave... to take the mud-blood and the blood traitor out of this house... to think of what Master Regulus would say..."

Hermione's eyes lit up. "Hold on... Master who?"

Kreacher glared at her. "Master Regulus Arcturus Black."

Hermione shook Harry's shoulder. "Harry! R.A.B.! Regulus Arcturus Black!"

Harry and Ron gasped.

"Kreacher, did Regulus ever have a locket?" Harry asked.

"Yes, but it was stolen by Mundungus Fletcher."

"That dirtbag!" Ron exclaimed.

"Kreacher, I need you to bring Mundungus here."

Kreacher disapparated, clearly happy to leave there company.

Ron looked at the spot he had disapparated from thoughtfully. "You know what? House elves are pretty blood powerful."

"What are you talking about?" said Harry.

"Well, I mean, they can apparate anywhere, and they can do magic with out a wand. Only really powerful wizards like Dumbledore can do that."

"Ron, think, I mean-"

"No! Seriously! I mean, Dobby even saved you from Luscious Malfoy in your second year, Harry!"

"Well, Luscious Malfoy isn't exactly the most powerful wizard... or the most masculine one..." said Hermione.

They spent the next day discussing how powerful House elves are, and how feminine Mr. Malfoy is. They were on the topic of whether or not his cane-wand was cool or not when Kreacher came back with Mundungus.

"You dirtbag!" shouted Harry. "_Expelliarmus_!"

"Where's the locket?" Ron asked menacingly.

"I don't got it! I sold it!"

"Who'd you sell it to?" asked Harry, starring down his wand at him.

"The crazy cat lady from the ministry! I'm sorry! I just want to get the best of cowardly supporting neither side!"

Ron shook his head in disgust. "Get out of here you filthy animal."

Mundungus ran out of the house and down the street.

"But how will we get the locket from Umbridge?" asked Hermione.

"Why don't we just send Kreacher to get it?" asked Ron. "I mean, if he can bring Mundungus here, I don't see why we can't use him to get Umbridge too."

"No way," said Harry, "Using the same plot device twice is just lazy. We're going to have to come up with a different plan."

"Thank you, Harry," said Hermione, sounding relieved. "At least someone cares about story integrity."


	7. Chapter 7

A large, pink banner waved in the air. It read, _Cat Lovers Convention_.

"This'll definitely work!" said Harry. They had been busy setting up the covention all week, sending letters and blogging.

"I don't know, Harry," said Hermione, who had been skeptical from the beginning.

Harry turned to her. "Man Hermione! Stop being such a downer. I finally think of a really, really good plan and all you do is complain. 'She'll be too busy at the Ministry', 'she doesn't like cat's that much', 'not that many people know about the convention'. Everyone knows about the convention, okay? My blog is really popular."

"Look!" Ron pointed across the crowd of cat fanatics. "There she is!"

Umbridge was parusing the booths of cat merchandise.

"Alright, lets get her." said Harry.

They crept stealthily through the crowd towards her.

"Oooh, it looks like a cat," cooed Umbridge, as she picked up a cat-treat jar.

"NOW!" shouted Harry.

"_Stupefy!"_

_"Petrificus Totalus!"_

_"Expelliarmus!"_

All three of their spells hit her in the face, and she fell backwards in to some creepy cat stuff. They grabbed her, and disapparated.

They were now in a forest.

"What made you come here, Hermione?" Ron asked, as Harry took the locket off of Umbridge's neck.

"I used to go camping here with my parents."

Ron scoffed. "Yeah, because _you _went camping."

Hermione gasped. "I'll have you know that I went camping with my parents quite often."

"Maybe you read a book about camping, and got confused somehow." said Ron.

Harry nodded. "Yeah, like when you dream something and think that it happened in real life."

"You're not the only ones who have a life outside of Hogwarts! What do you think I was doing while you two were bonding at the Burrow during breaks?"

Ron shrugged. "I don't know... reading books about camping?"

Hermione stalked off and began setting up some protective enchantments.

"Man, are women easily offended, or what?" said Ron.

"I don't know.. insulting somebody's ability to camp, that's some pretty heavy stuff." said Harry.

Hermione stalked back over to them, pulled a tent out of her tiny bag, and began violently staking it in to the ground. "I'll show you... I'll show you all!"


	8. Chapter 8

Hermione poked her head out of the tent. "Good morning. What do you think you'll have for breakfast? I will be eating this wolverine that I caught." she said, holding out a small plate of meat.

It had been like this for several days. Ron and Harry had been sleeping outside (Hermione had not allowed them in to the tent).

"We," Harry said, searching the ground, "will be having some delicious bark."

"Maybe if you let us in, we'll share with you." said Ron.

"I will let you in when you have acknowledged that I have been camping." said Hermione haughtily. "If you need me, I will be at the river."

Ron threw his bark away. "Harry! The river!"

They took off.

When they reached the riverbank, Harry took out his wand. "_Accio fish!_"

Nothing happened.

Hermione was on the other side of the river, eyeing the water.

"Oh, hey Hermione." said Ron. "We were just catching us some delicous fish."

Hermione lunged in to the river, headfirst. She emerged with several fish in her hands and mouth.

"She's like bloody Bear Grylls, Harry!" said Ron. "What are we going to do?"

"We'll just have to go shop-lift some food from Walmart." said Harry begrudgingly. "C'mon."

They apparated to Walmart under the invisibility cloak.

"Alright," said Harry, "What do you want to get?"

"Let's just get some sandwiches or something... maybe like a calzone."

"I'm not getting a calzone."

Ron nodded. "Alright. Sandwiches then."

After taking some bread, cheese, and ham under the cloak, they returned to the forest.

"How you like this, Hermione?" said Ron, waving his sandwich in the air. He stopped, however, when he saw the log cabin.

Hermione opened the door through which Harry spotted a fireplace, a rocking chair, and multiple animal furs.

"Wow, nice sandwiches you two. You've really out done yourselves. I'm proud."

"You know, Hermione, it's entirely your fault that we're even in this situation anyway." said Harry, who was annoyed at constantly being in the wrong.

"What? How is it my fault that Voldemort rose to power and overthrew the Ministry?"

Harry pointed his finger at her accusingly. "If you had kept the time-turner you'd gotten in our third year, we could just go back in time and kill Tom Riddle! This whole book could've been like three pages long!"

"Well, I, the Ministry, is, this," Hermione sputtered, fumbling for a comeback.

Harry and Ron walked past her in to the cabin.

"Three pages." Ron whispered at her. "Three pages."

xxx

**Author's Note: **Thank you awesome people who have reviewed/favorited this! I really like getting feedback. You guys are the best.

Also, I'm planning on doing a parody of the Order of the Phoenix after this. If you have any ideas for stuff you'd like to see in that, or what I could do better, please tell me.


	9. Chapter 9

Harry, Ron, and Hermione had been sitting around in their tent for a week now. Hermione had been watching the first season of Pokemon, Ron had been squeezing his stress ball, and Harry had been brooding over how vague Dumbledore's gift had been.

"Man!" said Harry to no one in particular. "My gift sucks."

Ron grunted and rolled over on his bunk. Hermione didn't move, her eyes glued to the TV screen. The title sequence started, and she began singing along under her breath.

"I wanna be the very best," she breathed, "like no one ever was, dun dun dun, to catch them is my quest, to train them is my cause... pokemon! Gotta catch 'em all!"

"Guys, I want to go to Godric's Hollow." said Harry.

" I'm pretty sure that would be incredibly dangerous." said Ron.

Hermione's eyes glazed over. "It's you and me... I know it's my destiny! You teach me and I'll teach you, pokemon... gotta catch 'em all!"

"Why would it be dangerous? I want to visit my parent's graves." said Harry.

Ron sat up. "You know, I've always kind of wondered why you've never done that before now. You've never even said anything about it. I kind of figured you'd have visited them at least once."

"Well, I haven't, okay! I guess I'm just a terrible son!"

"Yeah, maybe you are a terrible son." said Ron, nodding.

"Yeah!... Hey! You know what, maybe I'll just go on my own!"

"Alright."

"Yeah!" Harry stood up and left the tent. "I don't need you guys... with your stupid back and forth vibe. I'll fly solo."

**Ten Minutes Later**

Harry threw open the tent flap, panting. "Oh my gosh you guys! I went to Godric's Hollow, and there was this creepy old lady, and I went in to her house even though that's against the rules of stranger danger and then she turned out to be Nagini and she almost ate me and then Voldemort kicked down the door and I disapparated."

"Wow, looks like going to Godric's Hollow was a terrible idea." said Ron.

Hermione, it seemed, had not moved since Harry left.

"Yeah, you guys were right." said Harry. "I was so sure that there was going to be a Horcrux there..."

"Why?" said Ron, "That location has little significance to Voldemort."

"Yeah, I know... I just thought it would be fun." said Harry.

"But it wasn't."

"Well, we should make sure to take extra care of the Horcrux that we have then," said Harry. He put the locket over his head.

"Why will wearing it help us keep track of it better than if you just kept it in Hermione's bag?" asked Ron.

Harry paused. "Good point." he took the locket off. "We probably just saved ourselves a lot of trouble, actually. I mean, who knows what could of happened if we had worn that thing around."

xxx

Ron turned on the radio.

"_There were two hundred casualties today, and we are going to list them all very slowly so you feel depressed... Darren Criss...Joey Richter...Michael Aranda...Joe Walker..."_

Ron turned off the radio. "Aw, man..."


	10. Chapter 10

Harry crouched behind the TV and looked at Hermione. She looked pale and sickly from lack of sun, and Harry could see her mouthing the dialogue of the show. He stepped out and put a hand on her shoulder.

"Hey... hey Hermione. I think we need to turn off the TV, okay?"

She showed no sign of knowing that he was there.

"Alright, I'm just going to turn it off for a while..." he reached over and pulled the plug out of the wall.

She continued mouthing for several seconds before looking up at Harry.

"Have we reached the PokeCenter yet?" she said.

Harry patted her on the head. "Yes. We have."

"Good. Bulbasaur is low on HP." she walked out of the tent.

Ron was sitting in the corner, squeezing his stress ball. "Hey, Harry, do we have anything to eat?"

"Not really."

"Man." Ron squeezed his stress ball harder. Then, he looked up at Harry. "Hey, how do you channel your rage?"

Harry shrugged. "I don't know, I just kind of yell at people unexpectedly."

Hermione opened the tent flap. "We need to find a way to destroy the Horcruxes."

"We're just kind of waiting for the answer to that problem to present it self." said Ron.

"Yeah," said Harry, "I don't really think we should worry about it."

"Well of course we should worry about it! It's the entire reason we came out here!" Hermione said, her eyes shifting between them for some sign of agreement. "I suggest that we raise our own Basilisk for the venom. It's simple enough, really... all we need to do is place a chicken egg under a toad, and Harry can control it with parseltongue!...We'll just wear blindfolds all the time!"

Before Hermione could come up with a worse idea, a magical white doe with the sword of Gryffindor in it's mouth walked in to the tent.

"Gee, thanks, doe!" Harry exclaimed, taking the sword from it. "Alright. Ron, you destroy the Horcrux." Harry placed the locket on the ground.

"Why don't you do it Harry," said Ron, "I mean, you are the chosen one."

"You know, things aren't that easy for everyone!" said Hermione, "Things don't just turn up all the time!"

"No. I really think that you should do it, Ron."

"No, I kind of feel like you're shirking your responsibility as the one who has to kill Voldemort." said Ron.

"I think this will be a good oppurtunity for you to develop as a character." Harry handed him the sword.

He raised the sword. "Well... alright."

The locket vibrated violently, then a magical image of Harry and Hermione making out appeared above it.

"Ron? What is this?" said Harry.

"_How could anyone see you next to him..."_ the locket whispered.

"Really? Your whole family is in mortal danger _all the time_ and this is your greatest fear? Come on!" said Harry.

Ron scrunched up his face, then thrust the sword in to the locket. It screamed, then shattered.

"Ron, that was incredibly awkward for both of us." said Hermione, stepping next to Harry.

"Well you know what? Maybe next time, YOU can destroy part of Voldemort's soul!" shouted Ron.

"I already have!" Harry shouted back. "And nothing like that even happened!"

"Oh yeah? Well I guess you won't have any problem destroying the rest of them, will you?" said Ron bitterly.

"I guess I won't." said Harry.

"Stop it you two! Ron, the stress ball!" said Hermione, tossing the ball across the tent.

Ron caught it. Slowly, Harry saw the fury leave his face.

"Man, I don't know what I'd do without this stress ball." said Ron. "For a second there..."

"Ron!" Hermione exclaimed. "That must be why Dumbledore left it to you! Because he knew that you would get really angry at some point!"

Ron shook his head in wonder. "That crazy old man."


	11. Chapter 11

It had been raining for a week. The weak cloth roof of the tent was beginning to wear, and their tent had become littered with cups and buckets that were catching leaks.

"Man," said Harry, "Living in a tent sucks."

Ron shifted a cup with his foot. "I know. I wish we could live in a house."

"But Ron, they're watching the Burrow, Harry's house isn't protected anymore, Snape can get in to Grimmauld Place... I can't think of anywhere we can go!" said Hermione.

"What about Dean or Seamus's house?" said Harry.

"Do you know where they live?" Hermione asked.

"No... well, that's about the only other friends I can think of..."

"Well, you're not going to like this, but the Lovegood's actually live, like, right next to me." said Ron.

"Luna? I'm not going to live with Luna. I'd rather stay in this tent, that woman is crazy." said Harry.

"Let's at least see whether we could." said Hermione.

"Yeah." said Ron," Maybe she'll have been kidnapped or something."

Hermione knocked on the Lovegoods' door. Immedietly, it opened. A tall, whimsical looking man stood before them.

Ron jumped back. "Who the heck are you?"

Hermione smacked his arm. "Ron! That's Mr. Lovegood. Did you think Luna lived by herself?"

"Yeah. Off in the woods somewhere, or a field."

Xenophilius peered at Harry's forehead intensely. "Harry Potter?"

Harry nodded. "You bet I'm Harry Potter."

"Oh please, do come in." he led them inside. "I'll make some tea, if you don't mind."

Ron looked around nervously. "Where's Luna?"

"Oh, she's down at the stream catching some wild Plimped Plimpild Plimpies for some Plimpidy Plimpled Soup."

"What?" said Ron.

"Ah, here you go, some tea." he laid down a tray in front of them.

"So, we were wondering if we could stay-" Harry stopped. A mysterious symbol glinted on Xenophilius's chest. "Actually, could you tell me what that symbol is?" he pointed to his chest.

"This? Oh, it would be quite a long story..."

"Well, it's not like we have anything better we should be doing. We'd really like to pursue this random side thing." said Harry.

"All right then." he put his tea down. "There were once three brothers who found their path blocked by a river. But, being skilled in the magical arts, they simply waved their wands and crossed. On the other side of the river were three great lands that were not yet inhabited by man. So the brother's each became the ruler of their own land, and their own people."

"The first brother decided that he would be the only ruler of his land. And, when he died, the throne passed to his son. However, the people of the land rose up against this injustice, and so the monarchy fell in to anarchy."

"The second brother decided that in his land, everyone would have equal say. All of his subjects would decide what would be the law, and what would be policy. They did this by electing represenatives from their villages. However, once elected, these men did not have to abide by the laws, and so the people rose up against them, and democracy fell in to anarchy."

"The third brother, seeing the mistakes of his kin, set several of his closest advisors in charge with him. In their land, everything that everyone reaped was spread to even the poorest peasants, and everyone was satisfied. And so, communism reigned supreme."

"YOU'RE A COMMUNIST?" shouted Harry, standing up from the table.

There was a knock on the door. "Open up! It's the Death Eaters!"


	12. Chapter 12

"How the heck did the Death Eaters follow us here?" said Ron.

"Yeah," said Harry, pointing his wand at Xenophilius, "How _did_ they follow us here?"

"I got stupid! The money was too good!" he cried.

"That's a nice _Firefly _reference," said Harry begrudgingly, "But you better get us outta here."

Hermione was muttering behind them, attempting to magically seal the door.

Xenophilius backed up in to a cabinet. "You, you don't understand...they took Luna!"

"Oh, I understand perfectly, you Commie-Monster!" said Harry, eyes narrowed.

The door burst open, sending them all flying across the kitchen. Through the dust, Harry could just make out several Death Eaters.

"_Stupefy_!" Harry shouted.

"Really?" a Death Eater shouted back, "Is that the only spell you know?"

"No!... _Stupefy_!"

Hermione waved her wand, and the table flipped up vertically and blocked a volley of curses. She started rummaging furiously in her bag.

"Hermione! Now is not the time!" said Harry.

"Yes, it is! Ron, close your eyes!" she squinted her eyes shut. "Go, Basilisk!"

A giant green Basilisk shot out of the bag and into the dusty kitchen.

"Harry!" shouted Hermione, her eyes still squeezed tightly shut, "Parseltongue!"

"Sssssshhhasssshaaahaaassss" Harry hissed.

The Basilisk lunged at the Death Eaters. Several were already petrified. The ones that didn't disapparate were eaten.

"Ssssshasssshaaashaaasss"

The Basilisk turned around, and slithered back in to the magically enlarged bag.

"What the heck Hermione!" said Ron, as the table fell back with a loud _BAM_.

"I started raising it before the doe came-"

"Why were you raising it at all?" Ron continued.

"Well, it's _ludicrously_ simple, really. I mean, all you do is hatch a chicken's egg under a toad..." said Hermione.

"Think of all the cool stuff we can do with a pet Basilisk though!" said Harry. "Have you named it, Hermione?"

"Yes."

"What is it?" Harry asked.

"Basilisky."

"Aw, really?"

"Well, I couldn't think of anything! It's a giant snake!"

Ron sighed. "You never were good at naming things. I mean, Crookshanks? What kind of a rubbish name is that?"

"Crookshanks is named after my great-grandmother!" said Hermione, offended.

Harry rubbed his chin. "Crookshanks... I always kind of thought of like, a crook who went around shanking people."

"Your grandmother," said Ron, "Had a rubbish name."


	13. Chapter 13

"What we really need to do now is find out where the other Horcruxes are." said Ron.

Harry pulled the tent flap closed. "I know... we need to get close to him somehow... so we can somehow... or find them..."

"Yeah, that's an awesome plan, Harry," said Ron,"We'll just put on the cloak, sneak up behind him, and follow him around until he reveals the location of the other Horcruxes."

"Actually, that's not such a terrible idea," said Hermione, "Maybe we could impersonate one of the Death Eaters."

"Hmmm... but how can we get to them?" said Harry, "I mean, they're probably in hiding."

"Well," said Hermione, "I know how we could get to one of them..."

xxx

Draco Malfoy was sitting in the Slytherin common room, talking to Pansy Parkinson, the worst person to ever attend Hogwarts.

"I know," said Draco, "But I just don't know where this relationship is going!"

Suddenly, Harry Potter was sitting next to him.

"Ha ha!" Harry shouted triumphantly, "_Stupefy_!" He swept Malfoy under the invisibility cloak.

"OH MY GOSH IT'S HARRY POTTER!" Pansy shrieked.

"_Imperio_!"

"OH MY GOSH I'M THE WORST PERSON EVER!"

"Ha ha!"

"Well," said Hermione," Now that we've got Draco, we can get in to Malfoy Manor. "Me and Ron will stay under the cloak, and you'll take some Polyjuice Potion. If anything goes wrong, I'll just get Basilisky."

"Why don't we just open with Basilisky?" said Ron.

"Because Voldemort's a parselmouth too," said Harry.

Ron snapped his fingers. "Dang."

"Alright. Let's get going." Hermione folded up the tent, and put it back in her bag. They both placed a hand on her forearm, and they disapparated.

They were in front of Malfoy Manor.

Ron and Hermione slipped under the cloak, and Harry transformed in to Draco.

"Hey, Harry," said Ron, smiling," Say, 'my father will hear about this!'"

"My father will hear about this!"

Ron laughed. "Now say, 'if my homemade Dark Mark doesn't convince you, I don't know what will!'"

"What?"

Ron shrugged. "Nothing."

"Stop fooling around! Harry, get going!" said Hermione. It wasn't fun to be able to hear her, but not know where she was.

"Alright, geez..." Harry started for the door. He knocked.

They waited for about a minute. Then, they heard someone on the other side.

"Password?"

Harry could hear Ron muttering under his breath. "Password... who has a password for their bloody house? Protentious blonde racists..."

The door swung open. Lucius Malfoy stood before them. "Draco? What are you doing home from school?"

Narcissa Malfoy ran up behind her husband. "Did you not get something that you wanted again?"

"Er, yes." said Harry.

"Well, come inside and we'll talk about it." said Lucius.

Harry could just barely make out Ron and Hermione cautiously following him.

Lucius sat down on a couch. "Sit down and tell us all about it."

Harry took a seat next to Lucius. He smelled very flowery.

"Well, something's happened." said Harry.

Narcissa sat down next to him. "What happened honey?"

Just then, Harry felt his scar burn.

_It must be because I'm so close to Voldemort..._ he thought.

"Well... I read in the _Prophet _that someone broke in to a Gringott's vault, and I was wondering whether it was ours or not. I would hate to see anything happen to our money..."

Bellatrix Lestrange burst in to the room. "GRINGOTTS? Somebody has broken in to a Gringotts vault! Does the Dark Lord know this? Have you yet informed him? A GRINGOTTS vault! A vault in GRINGOTTS! The Dark Lord has put much faith in that place... perhaps he was wrong... no, the Dark Lord is never wrong... " She left the room.

Harry knew, then, that there had to be a Horcrux in the Lestrange's vault. He stood up.

"Well, I better get going."

"What do you mean? Back to Hogwarts?" said Narcissa.

"Yes. I think I just got a little homesick."

Lucius patted him on the back. "Happens to everyone. Now do your best, Draco!"

"I will, Dad." Harry said, and he left the house.

Once they were at a safe distance, Harry slipped under the cloak and they disapparated.

**Meanwhile, in Hermione's Magical Bag**

"Hello?" Draco shouted in to the darkness. "My father will hear about this!"


	14. Chapter 14

"Guys, there must be a Horcrux in the Lestranges vault!" said Harry, throwing off the invisibility cloak.

"Why would Voldemort want to put part of his soul in a bank?" said Ron.

"Well," said Hermione,"He went in to the wizarding world broke, so he probably saw Gringotts as a symbol of being a true member of the wizarding community."

"Man, Voldemort's really predictable," said Ron,"I mean, what if he had made his Horcrux like, a single grain of sand on a beach. Or, an anchor on the bottom of the ocean, or a button, or-"

"I get it!" said Harry, "This is a lot easier than it could be! So, how are we going to break in to Gringotts?"

"No one has _ever_ done it before," said Hermione, "But several people have attempted it. Two of those people are in Azkaban, and one, Charles McFlappington-"

"No one cares Hermione!" said Harry. "I think I have a plan."

Harry, Ron, and Hermione were crouched together under the cloak in the Gringotts lobbey.

"This is mental." Ron whispered. "Bloody suicide..."

The only noise was the goblins scratching away on parchment.

"Shut up Ron!" Harry whispered. "This is totally going to work! Alright, now Hermione!"

Hermione threw off the cloak and opened her bag. "Go, Basilisk!"

It tore out of the bag, all sixty feet of it, and began smashing counters and scales. Ron and Hermione squinted their eyes shut.

"Ssssshaaaassssshaaassssss" Harry hissed.

The Basilisk rose up, and repeatedly struck the back wall. It splintered, cracked, then burst. Harry grabbed Ron and Hermione, and pulled them along.

"Shaassssshaaaasssss"

They followed Basilisky through several floors, until finally they entered a massive subterranean cave. Tall, metal vault doors were etched in to the cavern's walls.

They found the one conveniantly labeled _Lestrange_.

"Ssssaaashaaaaassss."

Basilisky destroyed the door.

"I guess all those guys that failed didn't have a pet Basilisk!" said Harry, high-fiving Ron.

Hermione was staring up at the cave ceiling. "Oh no..."

"What?" said Harry.

Then, he heard it too. Loud, piercing sirens.

"Bloody hell!" said Ron, "It's the wizard cops!"

They ran in to the vault.

It was completely packed with gold. Ron's eyes shone. He reached out to grab a shining, golden bar.

The second he touched it, it burst in to ten replicas of itself. He pulled his hand back, and accidentally touched something else. It did the same thing.

"It's the Gemini Curse!" said Hermione, "Everything we touch will multiply!"

"I thought that the Gemini Curse was that all other zodiac signs will be jealous and hate you because you're a Gemini!" said Ron.

"That's...what?" said Hermione.

Harry turned around, accidentally bumping in to several gold coins. They sprung in to duplicates.

"Alright, we're looking for something with a badger or a raven on it..." said Harry, scanning the room.

They could hear footsteps above them.

"_Accio Horcrux_!" said Ron.

"Ron, it's impossible to perform magic inside of a Gringott's vault!" said Hermione.

"Oh, okay." Ron made his way carefully to the door, and opened it. He stepped outside, and raised his wand. "_Accio Horcrux_!"

A bright, golden cup with silver badger on it zoomed towards him.

"I, I didn't think of that," gaped Hermione.

"There's a lot of things you don't think of. Like good pet names." said Ron. "I mean, Crookshanks? _Crookshanks_?"

"I thought there would be some sort of enchantment preventing that," said Harry.

"How could he enchant something in the vault? You can't use magic in there." said Ron.

The footsteps became louder.

"Quick," said Hermione, "Get under the cloak!"

Just as Ron and Harry dashed under the cloak, a dozen wizard cops entered the cave.

"Where the heck is Basilisky?" Ron whispered.

"I don't know!" Harry whispered back, "He must have slithered off to save himself!"

"That filthy double-crosser!" said Ron a little too loudly. Several wizard cops looked their way.

"Hey, you hear something Joe?"

"Bill, you hear a lot of things these days. It's hard to sort out what the truth really is sometimes."

"I hear you man. I hear you."

Slowly, painfully, they inched their way back to the lobbey. Twenty Death Eaters were standing amidst the debris, wands drawn. One of them was holding a massive fan.

"Alright," said Bellatrix, "Activate the fan!"

The Death Eater holding the fan turned it on.

Harry, Ron, and Hermione struggled to keep the cloak around them, but it flapped violently under the fan's mighty wind. Finally, it flew off. The Death Eaters trained their wands on them.

Bellatrix Lestrange stepped forward and quickly pulled up her sleeve, and put her finger to the Dark Mark.

xxx

**Author's Note: **I've finished re-reading _The Order of the Phoenix _(it was really good, again) and have just about started writing a parody of it, that will be like this one. Hopefully, you guys will want to read that too, because you guys are awesome and review a lot. Thanks.


	15. Chapter 15

_RIIINGGG!... RIIINGGG!... RIIINGGG!_

It was Voldemort's Dark Mark. He rolled up his sleeve.

"Oh, c'mon," Voldemort said to no one, "They're always calling me... 'I caught Harry Potter!'... 'I know where he is!'... 'I lost my wand!"... People need to start dealing with their own problems!"

**Meanwhile, in Gringotts**

"We caught you! We caught you! _We caught little Potter_!" screached Bellatrix.

"You don't have to be a jerk about it." said Harry.

Dolohov stepped out from behind Bellatrix. "Drop your wands!"

Three wands dropped out of their hands and clattered to the floor.

Ron chuckled. "Hey, Dolohov, remember when we we blew up Malfoy Manor?"

"Silence!" he roared back.

Hermione turned around slowly to face Harry. "Harry," she breathed, "I still have my wand."

He just barely nodded his head.

"I dropped one of Fred and George's fake ones. I'm going to perform a spell that will get us out of this. But you have to remember the mistake we made, letting Basilisky get away."

Harry nodded again.

Bellatrix took a step forward. "What are you do-"

"_Gritticus Rebooticus_!" shouted Hermione. There was a blinding flash of light.

A breeze rolled across Diagon Alley. Several large men stepped out of Borgin and Burkes, looked down the road, then quickly stepped back in to the store.

Harry, Ron, and Hermione strode past them. They continued to the doors of Gringotts Bank.

Harry took a long draw at his cigarete through his bushy, black beard. Then he leaned over and snuffed it out on Hermione's leather jacket. "I don't think this'll be too hard."

Ron spat in to the dirt. "Don't reckon it'll be."

Hermione flicked out her switchblade and wiped it off with a dirty hankerchief.

They started for the door. Ron's shotgun-shell necklace jingled, and Hermione pulled her bandana up over her nose. Harry kicked down the wooden door, and it snapped to the ground loudly.

The goblin clerks looked up.

"Sir," one of them squeaked, "I don't-"

Faster than most people could blink, Harry whipped out his wand and the goblin fell backwards off his stool.

Ron adjusted his eye-patch and took out his own wand.

"Now that I got your attention," said Harry, "I'll be needing something. The cup."

He was met with silence.

"I can just go down the row," he said, looking at the goblin next to the one he had cursed.

"I'll do it, Harry," Hermione cooed. She took out her wand.

"Th-that won't be necessary." said a goblin at the end of the row. He disappeared behind a back door.

Harry lit another cigarette with his wand. He gazed up at the other clerks. They were all staring at him.

"You know," he said, looking out at the door, "People used to stare at me a lot. Because of this."

He ripped his shirt open, revealing a lightning-shaped scar running down the middle of his chest.

One of the clerks swallowed. "I hadn't noticed, sir."

"Of course you didn't." said Harry,"Of course you didn't."

"We got company, Harry," said Hermione.

Ron spat on the tile floor. "Wizard cops."

The patter of small feet echoed over from the other end of the lobbey. A goblin rushed forward and handed Harry Hufflepuff's Cup.

Harry exhaled a small cloud of smoke. "Hermione."

She nodded, then opened up a small bag. A massive, emerald green Basilisk slithered out on to the floor. It's floppy brown stetson covered gleaming eyes, and it hissed, revealing a golden fang.

"Sssssshaaashaaaaaa." Harry hissed through his beard.

They walked out of the bank.

Outside were an assortment of Death Eaters and Wizard cops. They were nearly indistinguishible from each other since both parties wearing torn brown robes.. The majority of them were petrified instantly; the rest disapparated in terror.

Harry tossed the cup to Basilisky, who swallowed it whole.

There was a blinding flash of light.

Harry, Ron, and Hermione were standing outside of Gringotts next to Basilisky. The cup was gone.

"It worked!" shouted Hermione, "That's really a very dangerous spell, it can be absolutely disastrous... but it looks like nothing got left over!"

Ron was not satisfied with this explanation. "What the heck just happened?"

Harry peered down his shirt. "I think I like this one better."

Hermione nodded. "It's much more masculine."

Ron scowled.


	16. Chapter 16

"Alright," said Harry, closing the tent flap behind him, "That only leaves two more horcruxes!"

"Unless there's a secret third one that we don't know about. I mean, the whole seven thing was just a theory of Dumbledore's. We honestly have no way of knowing that there aren't eighty more horcruxes that we have to find." said Ron.

"Wouldn't that be a nightmare. Another horcrux." said Harry.

"The only place left to go, really, is Hogwarts," said Hermione.

"What if Voldemort just started making new horcruxes to replace the ones that we've destroyed?" Ron continued, "What if he said, 'screw symbolism', and just made one a fish or something?"

Hermione turned to him, puzzled. "A fish?"

"Yeah!" said Ron, "A fish! If I was going to make a horcrux, I'd make it a fish. You'd have to search the entire ocean! And-"

"WELL," said Harry, cutting over him, "Assuming that there are only two more, one is something of Ravenclaw's, and one is that snake. I say we just apparate straight to Hogsmead."

"Harry!" said Hermione, while Ron continued in the background,"There's just no way that we could get away with that! They're bound to have set up enchantments to reveal intruders... you might not even be able to apparate in Hogsmead anymore! And even if you could, that's exactly where Voldemort expects you to go! He knows that we know about his horcruxes now... and there are already Death Eaters at Hogwarts in the first place! Oh, Harry, we should really think this through!"

"Wow Hermione." said Harry. "Invisibility cloak."

**One Terrible Plan Saved By a Random Character Who They Didn't Know About Later**

"See Hermione," said Ron, munching on one of the crackers Aberforth had given them,"Things just kind of turn out for us."

Hermione stared ahead, seething.

"Almost Dumbledore," said Harry, tapping Aberforth on the shoulder. "How can we get in to Hogwarts?"

Aberforth turned around, nodding. "I'll tell you. But, first I'm going to tell you a long, depressing story that will probably ruin your opinion of Dumbledore."

"No," said Harry, "I'd prefer that you just show us how to get in to Hogwarts."

Aberforth set down his mug and walked over to a painting on the wall. He swung it open like a door.

"Thanks, Almost Dumbledore," said Ron.

They stepped through the hole in the wall left by the painting.

"Another horcrux," Harry scoffed, "Dumbledore would've told me something super important like that."


	17. Chapter 17

Halfway down the tunnel, they ran in to Neville.

"Hey Neville!" said Harry, "We haven't seen you in like, an entire book!"

"I know," said Neville proudly, "I've kind of taken over as the guy who does questionable things at Hogwarts that turn out to be for the greater good."

Ron patted him on the back. "Way to go."

Luna appeared behind him. Ron jumped back.

"I heard that you visited my house," she said dreamily.

Ron pushed Hermione in front of him. "He said that they took you!"

Luna smiled. "He's always saying things like that... he's a communist you know."

Harry showed Neville his new chest-scar, and they continued down the tunnel. Eventually they reached a room full of students sitting around. They had even divided the room in to quarters for the different houses. Hufflepuff only had one student.

"We've all been camping out here, in the Room of Requirement." said Neville, "Guess what everyone? Harry Potter's back!"

Everyone cheered.

"Man, you've got some homework to catch up on!" said Seamus. Everyone laughed.

He produced a large stack of parchment. "No, really."

Harry slumped in to a hammock. "Man..."

"Why'd you guys come back?" asked Neville.

"Well," said Hermione, "We're trying to find a very important... artifact; we think that it's something of Ravenclaws. We're not sure what it is, but we know that it's somewhere in the castle."

"I think I know what you're talking about," said Luna, "Is it this?" she pulled a long silver string out of her pocket.

"No, I'm pretty sure that's not it..." said Hermione.

Luna looked up at them. "You're disapointed. You thought that the only Ravenclaw you knew would be able to help you."

Ron and Hermione exchanged nervous glances.

"Now you're feeling awkward that I was able to guess what you were thinking."

Ron opened his mouth, then shut it.

"You were about to say, 'I just thought you'd know'."

Ron scowled. "Alright, that's enough!"

"You really have, er, a knack for that, Luna," said Hermione.

"I know," said Luna, "That's because I'm an incredibly good legilimens."

"Oh..."

Harry stood up. "So, does anyone have any idea what this Ravenclaw artifact is?"

Harry felt a sharp pain in his chest. His scar was burning. He blacked out.

_Man,_thought Voldemort, _I really hope that Potter doesn't find Ravenclaw's Magic Crown Thing in the Room of Requirement... and I really hope that he doesn't tune in to my thoughts to find out where the remaining horcruxes are..._"

Harry snapped back in to the Room of Requirement. He pulled Ron and Hermione over to him.

"It's in this room."

"What?" said Ron.

"Yeah. It's right in here." said Harry, pointing to the floor. He turned to the other students. "Alright, it turns out that what we're looking for is in here. So, start looking."

Everyone started scrambling around on their hands and knees.

"Harry," said Hermione, "The Room of Requirement changes form, remember? We'll have to step out, and ask it to show something else!"

"Good call, Hermione," Harry whispered. He then turned to everyone else. "Just kidding. It's not in here."

They looked up, confused.

Ron laughed. "Don't you guys wish you were us? _Knowing things_?"

Neville sniffed. "Sometimes... yeah..."

Hermione put a hand on his shoulder, then followed Harry and Ron out of the room.

Harry focused on the wall in front of him. _I need to see where everything is hidden... and I need a pewter statue of me as a centaur._

A door slowly etched itself in to the wall, and they walked through it in to a room full of towering piles of stuff.

"Aw, man..." said Ron, "This'll take forever."

"Well," said Hermione," We should split up, and each cover a third of the room. I'm sure that Voldemort wouldn't just throw it somewhere, so look for locations and spots that seem more significant or organized. Tom Riddle attended Hogwarts a pretty long time ago, so I suppose that it will be towards the back... there probably weren't that many things in here when he discovered it, or he would've thought that too many other people knew about the room... so it's probably towards the back and on the bottom of a pile."

"That sounds really great and logical, Hermione," said Harry, "But I'm pretty sure we can find it if we just walk around for like five minutes."

**Five Minutes Later**

"Wow, that was easy," said Harry, picking the Magic Crown Thing off of a shelf.

Hermione dug her nails in to her arm.

"Are you okay, Hermione?" Ron asked.

Hermione's arm was bleeding. She stared ahead, muttering what sounded like 'things aren't so easy for everyone... some people have to work at things... some people had to really work hard for things..."

Harry took Hermione's bag out of her pocket, and opened it.

"Sssssssaaashaaassss."

Basilisky slithered out in to the Room of Requirement.

"YYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!" Neville shouted as he sprung out from behind a tower of objects. He swung the shining sword of Gryffindor in a mighty arc, and Basilisky's head flew through the air.

"NEVILLE WHAT HAVE YOU DONE!" Harry roared, sinking to his knees.

Hermione burst in to tears. "I-I r-raised him my-my..." she started sobbing uncontrollably.

Ron grabbed Neville by the collar and slammed him in to the wall. Their faces were practically touching.

"Neville," said Ron, breathing hard, "I knew from that first year, when you tried to stop us from going to the Sorcerer's Stone, that you were going to be a huge disaster. And see that?" he removed one hand and pointed to Basilisky's dead body, "I was right."

He walked away.

"I, it seemed like the thing to do... you know? Kill snakes... I don't know what came over me..."

Hermione slapped him across the face. "I felt sorry for you."

**Meanwhile, at Malfoy Manor**

Voldemort strode over to Lucius and Narcissa Malfoy, who were eating dinner at their table. He slammed the Elder Wand down in front of a bowl of salad, causing it to jump out of the bowl.

Lucius gasped.

Voldemort nodded. "That's right."

"You found it, my lord?" Lucius asked, staring at the wand.

"Heck yeah I did. Now we're going to Hogwarts."


	18. Chapter 18

Harry rose to his feet, wiping away tears. "I suppose we need to find a new way to destroy the cup."

"I have an idea." said Ron. He pulled a weepy Hermione out of the Room of Requirement.

Harry nodded. He looked down at Basilisky's beatiful green scales. Another victim of Neville's terrible wrath...

Harry's ears were ringing. The voice of the Dark Lord was right in his ear.

"_People of Hogwarts, you are hiding Harry Potter from me._"

"How the heck did he know I was here?" Harry said to himself.

"_I know he is here because he was seen passing through Hogsmead._"

"Guess that wasn't a great plan after all."

"_No, it wasn't."_

"WHAT?"

"_The mind reading goes both ways, kid_."

"Dang."

"_If you give Harry Potter over to us, we will leave your school untouched... if not, there shall be consequences..._"

The ringing stopped. Harry stepped out into the hall, where students and members of the Order were frantically running around. Pansy Parkinson, who was running with a cluster of Slytherin girls, pointed at him.

"Well, there he is! Get him!"

People stopped in their tracks at this mind-blowingly terrible thing to say. For the rest of her life, Pansy would be remembered as the worst student Hogwarts ever had. She was shunned from wizard society, and forced to live with the muggles, a horrible irony for a horrible racist.

A bust of her would be placed in the Great Hall, labeled, 'Pansy Olivia Parkinson, Slytherin, Racist, Long-standing Girlfriend of a Teen Death Eater, Hater of Harry Potter, and Official Recipient of the Worst Student of All Time Award.'

Harry ran out of the hall and in to the courtyard, where he passed several armed statues walking in formation.

"I can't believe this. They freeze us for three hundred years, and wake us up to get killed." said one.

Harry continued past the complaining guards to the teachers, who were casting protective enchantments over the boundaries.

"Professor McGonagall, do you think we can actually beat them?" he asked.

She replied without taking her eyes off the sky. "Honestly, Harry? Yes."

Harry, who had become accustomed to fighting the odds, was blown away. "What? _Why_?"

"Well, for one thing, nobody has ever had a clear picture of how many Death Eaters that there actually are. Also, we are on the defense , and, tactically, that gives us an advantage."

"But what about Voldemort?"

"I doubt that even Voldemort will be able to get past the Giant Squid, who I have given wings."

A massive shadow passed over the moon. Harry looked up and saw the Giant Squid, soaring gracefully through the clouds on huge, feathery wings. It's tentacles almost touched the ground.

Harry's jaw dropped. "Holy crap, I'm staying in here."

"Were you planning otherwise?"

But Harry had already started off for the doors.

xxx

Ron and Hermione reached the bathroom where the entrance to the Chamber of Secrets was.

"Ron, you need Parseltongue to open the Chamber!" said Hermione.

Ron shook his head. "I'm pretty sure I can fake it. I mean, it pretty much all sounds the same," he stuck his face next to the sink, "Ssssssssssssasssshhhaaaaa."

The sink remained a sink.

Ron stepped back. "Okay... time for the movie explanation. Harry talks in his sleep! Sssssssssssasssshhhaaaaa."

The sink dripped once, mocking him.

Ron kicked the sink. "Come on!"

Hermione placed a hand on his shoulder. "Ron, neither one of those is very viable. Randomly hissing does not allow you to talk to snakes, and you can't learn a language, let alone one as bizarre as Parseltongue, by listening to people in their sleep."

Ron pulled away. "Well what's your plan, Hermione?"

Hermione stepped around to the other side of the sink. "_Reducto_!"

The wall crumbled, revealing a gaping hole which led into a wide tunnel.

Ron swiped his hand across his forehead. "Phew! I thought for a second there that we were going to have to just wait for Harry and avoid a terrible plot hole."

They both paused, thinking about this, then stepped through the hole.

The tunnel was dark and wet. They made their way cautiously along the long, stone path, looking around for the remains of Slytherin's monster.

"Remember when things were simpler?" he said, eyes misting over, "It was just go to class, investigate dangerous happenings, save school. Remember that?"

Hermione nodded slowly. "I do."

"And then," Ron said darkly, "You had to go and throw away what would've been the only remaining Time Turner, thus destroying our only hope to rap this thing up before someone died."

"How many times must I tell you, I had know way of knowing-"

"Well, maybe, you should've traveled in to the future and found out!"

"TIME TURNERS CAN'T GO INTO THE FUTURE!" shouted Hermione. It echoed down the tunnel.

"Well I'm sure if you had tied two of them together or something-" Ron swiveled around. He could just make out someone coming towards them over Hermione's hysterical counter-ranting. After a couple of tense seconds where Ron scrambled for his wand, he saw that it was Harry.

Harry ran the rest of the distance between him and Ron.

"Guys," he panted, "I, well, here," he pulled a gleaming white fang out of his pocket. "It's from Basilisky."

Harry set the cup on the ground while Hermione continued on behind them. He brought the fang down upon the cup, and it shattered. Golden shards slid out across the floor. He stood up.

"That only leaves one."

Ron nodded grimly. "Unless there's some other one that we don't know about."

"Please," said Harry, "I'm pretty sure that Dumbledore would've told us."

Unbeknownst to any living person, at that moment Dumbledore rolled over in his grave.

**Author's Note: **I've been working on my parody of The Order of the Phoenix. It's going to be pretty epic... I'll post the first chapter when I post the last chapter of this story.


	19. Chapter 19

"That leaves," Harry quickly counted on his fingers, "Nagini."

"How the heck are we going to get the snake?" said Ron, "She'll be right next to him!"

"We'll get to it like we get to everything." Harry pulled out the invisibility cloak.

Ron sighed. "The perfect plot device. Allowing us to go anywhere and do anything."

Harry stroked it fondly.

"I'm pretty sure that with an invisibility cloak, Polyjuice Potion, and Hermione, we can do anything," said Ron.

Hermione smiled. "Thanks, Ron."

Ron turned to her, and they looked deep into each others' eyes. Hermione took a step closer to him, and Ron took her hand in his.

"NO WAY!" said Harry, "I will not have this. I'll end up being a third wheel."

Ron leaned forward, and Harry grabbed his shoulder and pulled him back.

"Harry, there might not be another chance to do this!" Ron pleaded, "It can't wait!"

Harry's eyes narrowed. "It can."

Severus Snape stared out of the window of the small, wooden lake house, thinking thoughts sadder than any you will ever think in your entire life.

Voldemort approached him, Nagini by his side.

"There's no easy way to say this," said Voldemort, "So I'll just say it."

"Please," said Snape lazily, "do."

"Well," Voldemort took a deep breath, "You know how the Elder Wand only works if _you_ killed the former master?"

"I am aware."

"Well, because _you _killed Dumbledore, I'm going to have to kill you."

"It sounds to me," said Snape coldy," That you are laboring the impression that I will, as the saying goes, come quietly."

There was a high, clear call from above. Fawkes swooped down, Snape reached his hand in the air, and there was a burst of flame. Snape was nowhere to be seen.

Voldemort sighed. "Alright. That was pretty good."

He disapparated with Nagini.

Harry, Ron, and Hermione emerged from thin air several feet from where Snape had been seconds earlier.

"Why would Fawkes save Snape?" said Harry.

"Maybe he put him under the Imperius Curse," said Ron.

Hermione crouched down next to the edge of the wooden floor by the dark water. "Harry, Ron, look at this!"

Hermione was holding a tiny, glass vial. Harry recognized the strange, swirling substance as a memory. It was pure white, unlike the darkish, false one that Professor Slughorn had given to Dumbledore.

Harry took the vial from Hermione. "To the Pensieve!"

Harry looked down at the stone basin in front of him. He took a deep breath, then stuck his head in.

He was suddenly assaulted with random lights and sounds, combined with a pressing feeling on his temples. He couldn't feel which way was up, he couldn't feel his face, and white mist was rushing around him. He felt a hand on his shoulder.

He was back in Dumbledore's office.

"Harry, you didn't put in the memory." said Hermione slowly.

"What? Right. " Harry poured in the memory.

Ron leaned over to Hermione. "We can totally make out while he's gone."

Harry grabbed them both and pulled their heads in with his.

**Several Memories That Are Way Too Sad To Parody Later**

"That was the craziest thing I've ever seen," said Ron.

Hermione's mouth was wide open. "I just can't believe it!"

Ron shrugged. "I still don't think I believe it."

"But it all fits together, doesn't it?" Hermione said, "Because Voldemort could never understand the power of love!"

Ron looked behind them. "Hey, where's Harry?"

Harry walked solemnly through the deserted grounds. The only sound he could hear was Voldemort's cold voice in his ear.

"_I will give you one hour to tend to your dead. Harry Potter, I now speak directly to you. If you do not come to me in the Forbidden Forest within the next hour, I will kill every single man, woman, and child who stands between you and I_."

Harry's feet no longer felt like his own as he walked out to the forest.

With me gone, it's just the snake, thought Harry. They can get the snake. _Someone _can get the snake.

Just as Harry came to the edge of the forest, he felt a vibration in his coat pocket, accompanied by a loud whirring noise. He opened up his pocket, and with a flash of gold, the snitch that Dumbledore had given him flew out of his pocket. It hovered in the air before him, then split in half like an easter egg. A small stone fell in to Harry's hands.

He heard a rustling in the forest.

"Voldemort?" he shouted, "I'm not in the forest yet, so I don't think you're allowed to kill me."

Voldemort did not step out of the forest. It was someone infinitely better. His mum. She was light grey, slightly more solid than a ghost. She walked towards him; she seemed proud.

Harry stared at the stone in his hand, then back at his mum. She was being joined by his father, Sirius, Remus, and Basilisky.

"We're all very proud of you Harry," said James.

They all nodded.

"I didn't want any of you to die for me," said Harry.

"Gee, thanks," said Remus dryly, "That really means a lot to me."

Sirius nudged him.

"Does it hurt?" Harry asked, looking at Sirius.

Sirius nodded. "Yeah. They say _Avada Kedavra _is painless, but who told them that, right?"

"_Avenge me_," Basilisky hissed in Parseltongue.

Harry rested a hand on his smooth, flat head. "I will."

"What the heck is that snake, son?" said James.

"Someone like you. Someone who died trying to save me." said Harry.

"We'll stay with you, Harry." said Lily.

Harry crunched through the forest, peering around trees for any sign of Voldemort. Eventually, he found him in a clearing surrounded by Death Eaters.

"The Boy Who Lived, come to die," Voldemort said softly.

"How long did it take you to come up with that?" said Harry coolly.

"It just came to me now."

"Yeah right," Harry muttered.

Voldemort's face quickly became livid. "You dare question my wit? _UHHVADAKEDAVRA_!

Harry suddenly found himself awake. He was lying on his back, which still existed, in what appeared to be a spacious tunnel. Cautiously, he stood to his feet. Everything seemed to be a little uncertain as to whether it wanted to be real or not.

Albus Dumbledore appeared before him. He was clothed in a magnificent white robe that trailed behind him.

"Harry, you wonderful boy," said Dumbledore.

"Not a wonderful _man_?" said Harry hopefully.

"I'm a hundred and fifty years old. I've earned the right to call everyone boy. Come, sit." Dumbledore led him to a white bench.

"Dumbledore," said Harry, "What would your brother have told me if I hadn't pushed to leave early?"

"Well, I suppose he would've told you that I'm gay." Dumbledore said calmly.

Harry's mind exploded.

Dumbledore noticed his vacant expression. "But, does it really change your opinion of me?"

Somehow, Harry realized that maybe it wasn't that weird after all. Dumbledore had always had a sort of gay manner.

"No. I suppose it doesn't." said Harry.

The two sat in silence for several minutes.

"Professor, where are we?" Harry asked.

Dumbledore looked around. "Where would you say we are?"

"I think we're at King's Cross Station."

Dumbledore shook his head. "Harry, I fear that you are quite lacking of imagination. When I died, I appeared in an armada of large ships, all of which were shaped like sharks."

"That's very impressive, sir," Harry said.

"Indeed."

"Am I really, properly dead, sir?" Harry asked.

"You say we are in King's Cross?"

Harry nodded.

"Then, perhaps you could catch a train that would take you on."

"I think that I need to go back." said Harry.

"That you could also do."

Harry stood up. "Just one last question, professor. Is this real? Or is it all happening inside my head?"

"Of course it's in your head, Harry, but why should that mean that it's not real?"

"Because," said Harry, "If thoughts were the same as reality, then the world would be in total confusion all the time. If we had no way of mentally differentiating between thought and fact, we couldn't trust anything that we saw, and if we ever thought _that_, we'd have no basis for anything at all."

"Okay," said Dumbledore, "It's all in your head."


	20. Chapter 20

Voldemort slowly rose to his feet. After he cursed Harry, he had collapsed.

Bellatrix rushed to his side. "Are you alright, my lord?"

"What did you just call me?" said Voldemort coldly.

Bellatrix went pale. "Lord?"

"That's right," said Voldemort, "_Lord_. I'm pretty sure I can handle this. Narcissa, make sure he's dead."

Narcissa walked over and knelt down next to Harry's body. She put to slim fingers on his neck, and Harry knew that she could feel his pulse. However, she held them there.

"Is my son alive?" she breathed. Harry could just barely hear her.

"Yeah," he breathed back, "We have him in a bag."

"_What_?"

"Remember when your son visited you guys? That was just me, and we kidnapped Draco and put him in this bag that's bigger on the inside."

"But, is he alive?"

"I don't know. I guess."

Narcissa stood up. "Yes. He is dead."

The Death Eaters cheered.

Voldemort gestured to Hagrid, who was tied to a tree. "You can carry the body."

The ropes around Hagrid vanished, and he stooped down and lifted Harry in his arms. Tears fell down on to Harry's face.

The Death Eaters followed Voldemort out of the forest. The morning sun peaked out from behind the distant mountains. Voldemort had a noticeable spring in his step.

The remaining defenders of Hogwarts were gathered at where the gates had been, looking worn. They stared down the approaching Death Eaters with a level of intensity previously unknown to the grounds.

Voldemort stopped, and the Death Eaters spread out around him. Hagrid slowly walked across to the other side. There were audible gasps as people saw what he was carrying.

"That's right." said Voldemort. "Harry Potter is dead. It wasn't even that hard." he added haughtily.

Silence.

"If any of you would like to switch sides now, feel free to do so." said Voldemort.

"Who the heck would do that?" Ron shouted.

Pansy Parkinson sprinted out from behind him.

Ron pulled out his wand. "_Stupefy_!"

Pansy fell face down on to the stone path with a sickening crunch.

"Any others?" said Voldemort softly.

"Draco? _Draco_?" shrieked Narcissa.

Hermione dropped her bag on the ground, looking disgusted. The bag stirred for several seconds, then a terrified looking Draco Malfoy crawled out by his fingertips. He was even paler than usual, and very thin. When his head was all the way out, he squinted his eyes shut against the sun.

Finally, he was able to scramble out and run to his mother.

"You think this is it? You think we're done?" said Neville, stepping forward.

"I would assume so." said Voldemort. "I mean, I killed Harry Potter. Do you guys not care about that?"

Neville pondered this. "Well, I mean, we care, but we're still going to fight!"

Voldemort, in turn, pondered this. "Why did I think that you would all give up if I killed Harry?"

Ron shrugged. "I dunno, mate. Seems to me like you got a little bit too caught up with Potter, and sort of lost track of the big picture."

Hermione's hands shot to her mouth. Harry quickly closed his eyes again. She frantically tried to alert Ron, but he was still talking to Voldemort.

Ron was nodding. "I know. But, see, what _I _would've done is made one of the horcruxes a fish, that way you'd have to search the whole ocean."

"Something to consider next time. What's your name, by the way?" said Voldemort.

"Ron. Ron Weasley."

"Is that short for Ronald?"

"Yes."

Voldemort seemed surprised. "Really? Because I know this other Ron who's real name is Veronica."

"Veronica? Is that, like, the female version of Ron?" said Ron.

As Voldemort and Ron continued their conversation, Hermione slowly edged closer to Harry. She stepped in front of him, blocking his head from view. Then, she whispered,

"What are you going to do Harry?"

"I need you to say, 'Harry Potter will never die!'" he whispered back.

She shook her head, still facing the Death Eaters. "I'm not saying that."

"Okay, what about, 'what if there was a reason they called him The Boy Who Lived?'"

She paused.

"Come on. I almost died."

"Fine." she hissed.

Hermione cleared her throat. "What if there was a reason," she said in a raised voice, "They called him The Boy Who Lived?"

Harry lept out of Hagrid's arms. "Yes. What if there was?"

The Death Eaters gasped.

"How long did it take you to come up with that?" said Voldemort.

"It just came to me now." Harry answered confidently.

Harry and Voldemort made eye contact for a split second, then chaos erupted. Spells and curses flew in every direction, Death Eaters disapparated, and the Giant Squid swooped down and plucked Death Eaters up off the ground. Slowly, the two groups fought their way furiously back in to the castle.

More and more Death Eaters disapparated as they saw that they were outmatched. The defenders of Hogwarts were fighting for justice and their families, and the Death Eaters slowly realized that they were fighting for racism.

Neville drew the Sword of Gryffindor. Nagini slowly slithered toward him.

"_I'm going to eat thissss kid, and he isssss going to be delicioussss_." she hissed in Parseltongue.

Nagini rose up for the strike, and Neville swung the blade in a shimmering arc. Nagini's head flew across the Great Hall. Neville hefted the sword on to his shoulder, and turned to look at the Gryffindor hour glass. Every single ruby was down.

McGonagall, Slughorn, and Flitwick were all dueling Voldemort. Flitwick made a cascade of fluffy pillows fly out of his wand, which Voldemort beat back. Slughorn twirled his cool walrus-mustache, and McGonagall did some actual magic.

"Teachers? Why are teachers so powerful?" screamed Voldemort, and he conjured a wall of fire that expanded out around him. They apparated to the other side of the room.

Harry emerged from the crowd and faced Voldemort. The battle around them subsided, and they began to slowly circle.

"What are you going to do, Tom? You couldn't kill me when I was a baby! You couldn't kill me at the Triwizard Tournament! You couldn't kill me in the forest! Face it, _you can't kill me_!" said Harry.

"But your mother isn't here to save you, our wands no longer have twin cores, and the only soul left in you is your own!"

Harry stopped circling. "Oh. Man..."

"Harry! Snape!" cried Hermione.

Harry nodded. "But what if Snape was never your man? What if Dumbledore planned his death from the beginning?"

"Foolish boy! Severus was always with me."

"No. He loved my mother, and that's weird, but he left you when you killed her."

"He desired her. Nothing more." said Voldemort.

Harry winced at the thought of that. "You could never understand the power of love, Tom."

Voldemort drew his wand level.

"_Avada-_"

"_Stupe_-"

There was a brilliant flash of light in between them, and the Elder Wand soared high in the air. Harry caught it with the skill of an experienced Seeker, and Voldemort fell to the floor with a mundane finality.

xxx

Harry, Ron, and Hermione walked along together across the bridge that had so recently been a battleground. They stopped along the edge and looked out over the canyon.

"Harry," said Ron, "I don't understand why the Elder Wand is yours."

"I don't really know either. This parody deviated from some major plot points." said Harry, still looking out across the deep ravine. He held up the Elder Wand. "I shouldn't keep it. I've really had enough trouble. But, maybe I could use it for good? No. I should just lose it. It's really more trouble than it's worth."

He snapped it in half and threw it off the bridge. Turning around, he saw that Ron and Hermione were snogging behind him. He contemplated prying them apart, but it looked as if that would be impossible.

Harry smiled.

**Nineteen Years Later**

Harry, Ginny, and their three kids arived at the wall that led to platform nine and three quarters. It looked the same as it had when Harry had first gone through it.

"Alright," said Harry, "Together." He led his two sons through the wall, and Ginny followed behind them with their daugher Lily. She was still too young to go to Hogwarts, but she had come to see off her brothers.

"Dad! You never told us they named the train after you!" said Albus, pointing to the scarlet locomotive. _Harry Potter _was written in shining gold letters across the side.

"It's not that big of a deal," said Harry. "Oh, here they are."

Ron, Hermione, and their children Rose and Hugo were walking through the growing crowd.

"Now, really focus on your studies these first few weeks," Hermione said, "You really can't afford to fall behind early."

"Yeah," said Ron, "And make sure to investigate any sort of strange happening. Even if they tell you not to, it'll probably turn out for the better."

"Ron-"

"I'm just saying! It's what we did," he raised his hands defensively.

"Bye Mum, bye Dad," said James. He jumped on to the train. Albus stared at the train nervously. Harry kneeled down next to him.

"What if I end up in Slytherin?" he asked.

"Albus Severus Basilisky Invisibility Cloak Potter," said Harry, putting a hand on his shoulder, "You are named after the four most awesome things I could think of. Even if you end up in _Hufflepuff _you'll be fine."

"Thanks, dad." he hugged Ginny and stepped on to the train.

Harry checked his watch. "Hmm. He said he'd be here."

"Sorry I'm late, I was pretty busy getting ready for the first day." said Snape, emerging from the crowd. He crossed his fingers. "I hope I can snag a couple of your kids for my house."

"We'll see," said Harry, laughing, "We'll see."

Hermione was staring at the train nervously. Snape turned to her.

"I'm sure they'll do great," he said. She nodded.

"Well, I better get going." said Snape, "First day things to attend to."

They said goodbye, and he disapparated.

Hermione dabbed her eyes with a hankerchief. "I can't believe they're really gone."

"It had to happen some time," said Ron.

Harry felt the scar on his chest. It hadn't pained him for nineteen years. Everything was right.

**Author's Note: **The end... I know, it is sad. However, I'm not finished yet! I just posted the first chapter of my parody of The Order of the Phoenix, and I bet you'll like it if you like this. I hope you guys read it, because you all gave me lots of constructive reviews! Thanks!


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